DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?

I hardly ever get enough sleep...

Ask me anything

What's your favorite thing to do?

Depends on who I'm with, what I feel like.. and about 100 other things I can be just as happy vegged out watching TV or playing video games as I'd be out and about

Ask me anything

Are you happy with your first name?

I love being called Nico, but it's not exactly my given name.. I'm happy with Nicole, but it sounds weird to me sometimes.

Ask me anything

Bound

It's no secret that I have major trust issues, I openly admit that I'm fucked up. There are 2 people in my life whom I trust absolutely and completely. My best friend and LA. (like I said, I'm fucked up.) I have my reasons, and to me they make sense.

Yes, I tried to be unlike myself and actually trust someone, and yes my trust was betrayed. Sadly, I saw it coming. LA warned me, begged me not to, even threw around that word I so despise trying to stop me... Now he's words are like daggers. Last night I was told I sounded, "broken" and it upset him because he thought he was the only one that could do that to me. It upset him that someone else was able to upset me... I really need to stop talking to LA.

So anyway, here's where my head has been. The boy whom betrayed my trust is persistently asking to be given another chance, "Look I can't promise that I wont hurt you again but I can promise that I'll do everything I can to not hurt you again and I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." LA is saying I'm just a novelty and this was bound to happen. B is telling me to not think like me for once and to stop listening to LA. The BFF is standing by whatever decision I decide to make.

Last night I decided to stay in to think, posted the status, " In for the night... need to clear my head." and a friend didn't by my "I'm OK." response. He called bullshit, I told him a bit, I was vague, he had some enlightening things to say:
(I am not posting word for word, but what hit home.)

• just because you survived doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. You are someone that doesn't deserve it.
  
• You can have any guy that you want. Take solace in that fact and stop testing it. You have a charm about you. You can work it to your advantage. Your social ability. Those huge eyes of yours, your easygoingness, your lack of judgement. You could get anyone you wanted. just analyse the candidates.
• Don't fret and fuck him. His loss.

What to do, what to do...
Obviously, I like the boy.. or I wouldn't even consider giving him the opportunity to try and make amends.
I'll admit that I'm scared. I'm not a fan of putting myself in a position to be hurt. actually, I tend to avoid it at all cost.

The one thing I'm certain of, no mater what decision I decide to make, it's bound to hurt.

Have you dated anyone famous?

I try to keep parts of my life private, my relationships would be one of them.

Ask me anything

What do you look for in a guy? also, are you seeing anyone at the moment?

I don't think I have a "type" when it comes to guys... intelligence is always a turn on... everything else really depends on the person. No, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.

Ask me anything

what do you consider your best feature?

My eyes.

Ask me anything

If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom so you never had to do it again, what would it be?

straighten my hair... it takes AGES... and I have no patience...

Ask me anything

Have you broken any bones? If so, how?

a couple fingers, my knuckle, my foot and my ankle...

Ask me anything

Would you rather be a vampire or a werewolf?

vampire I guess...

Ask me anything

Do you consider yourself a good dancer?

I've been told I dance like a stripper... I guess that could go either way...

Ask me anything

Does Being Hot Make You Confident?

...or does being Confident make you Hot?
This became the topic of conversation between my friend and I, his argument is a guy notices a girls physical attributes before anything else and if a girl is attractive more guys are going to be noticing and giving her attention which then gives her confidence. I disagree.

Attention is a sticky subject... Personally, I become a bit self conscious at times when I'm the center of attention. (something I'm working on) Of course it's awesome when a guy I like is paying attention to me, or texts me out of the blue to say "Hi" it makes me smile to know he was thinking about me. But, if I'm not so into the guy, or if he's a little too aggressive (like feeding me shots all night, or trying to manhandle me) he then turns from nice guy I'd be friends with into a creeper.
I believe that confidence makes a person more attractive. Physical attributes definitely play a role... They will catch my attention (hello ADD kid) but it takes much more to keep my attention. Someone can be insanely physically attractive, but if they lack personality, confidence, integrity, intelligence, or morals they begin to seem less attractive as time passes.

Being confident is more then believing that you are physically attractive. Everyone is unhappy with something about themselves, that's normal, it's cocky to say otherwise. (A little cockiness can be attractive... but too much can be a major turn off!) Confidence is being secure with yourself, flaws and all.


I was once afraid of people saying, "Who does she think she is?" Now I have the confidence (and courage) to stand and say, "This is who I am."

It's a Cruel Memory to Look Back on Who We Were.

Life imitates art imitating life....
I've had a song stuck in my head for days, so naturally I've used lines from it as my status on Facebook (because in reality what are we but a string of song lyrics) and a dear friend made a comment that seems to have put me on guard, and has left me with the need to explain myself if for no other reason then because I want to.
Normally, a comment on my page would go overlooked, I don't pay much attention to how others view me... but when I actually value someones opinion it's another story. My status was,

"It's a cruel memory to look back on who we were."

I felt / feel it's fitting for me at the moment. The comment which was left is, "or a harsh reality of who we've become." which I can understand but is not where my mind has been.

As I have said before, I have no regrets in my life. I have done more in my short time here (yes, I see 29 years as a short time) than most do in a lifetime. (I could... and possibly will fill a book with the tales of my ventures)
Let me rant for a moment, (blame the after work wine) as I've said before I don't regret a bit of my past. (not even the clover tattoo) I cherish the good - it as left me with amazing memories, experiences, and people that I hold dear to my heart. I've learned from the bad... and if given the chance I wouldn't change it.

I'm not sure why this song has struck a cord with me, maybe it's because I think Wes Borland is attractive, maybe it's because I like his voice on the track, maybe it's because I've recently reconnected with people from my past and I've been reminiscing, maybe it's just a good song... I do know I am happy with who I am, I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I can and will do anything that I set my mind to.

My cruel memories? They are amazing moments in my life that I only wish could last a bit longer...

"Take me away, I might as well be yours."

"Cruel Melody" by Black Light Burns.
If I could paint your picture
I'd paint you as the sea
I'd let your arms become the tide

If I could fall into you
I'd let you swallow me
So I could see you from the inside

And it's a cruel melody
That you sing when I'm away
Trying to find where the sun shines
In a land that's turning gray
And it's a cruel memory
To look back on who we were
'cause my past is a poison
And I'll never find a cure

If I could break a promise
I'd tell 1000 lies
To have you look at me again

But your heart is empty of me
I see it in your eyes
It wasn't meant for me to win

And it's a cruel melody
That you sing when I'm away
Trying to find where the sun shines
In a land that's turning gray
And it's a cruel memory
To look back on who we were
'cause my past is a poison
And I'll never find a cure

Take me away, I might as well be yours

Romance Will Always Self Destruct

Something said in a comment regarding my post How Do You Break a Bad Boy Addiction set me off today.

Naxos wrote:
"Occasionally, we go with the most emotionally unavailable thing we can get our hands on, if only to prove some self-fulfilling doomsday prophecy of relationship fail."

...the most emotionally unavailable? I wouldn't go that far. I'm pretty sure I am the most emotionally unavailable person you can encounter. I openly admit I have ADD when it comes to guys. Catching my attention is one thing, keeping my attention seems to be where most fail. I've been asked many times what it is I look for in a guy and I never know how to answer. I'm attracted to sarcasm it seems, as well as intelligence, humor, and of course several physical attributes. Something cute and shinny will catch my attention, but it wont keep it for long. (Armondo was very cute and very shinny but I'm pretty sure he's got the IQ of an eggplant. He lasted about 3 days)

Naxos also wrote:
"I hate to shatter egos and break hearts, but you've watched too many old movies and read one too many romance novels. 95% of the time, what you see is what you get, even if you wont let your eyes see what you need to see."

Art imitates life, there had to be romance for it to be written about. It may have combusted at some point, but it was there and it could happen. With that being said, all of the greatest romances have tragic painful endings. The best example of this would be my favorite novel Wuthering Heights.
Real romance, real attraction will always self destruct; it's just too much to contain. It devourers all it touches like a flame. Hence my outlook that you need to judge the happiness you'll have verse the pain you will have to recover from.
Love is a fire, you can sit around the edges and take the chill off your bones or dive into the center and burn in the flames. The funny thing about fire is it doesn't stay very hot unless it's devouring something. So, either way.. you're basically fucked.
This leaves the decision:
Do you sit on the edge and be comfortable watching it fade, or dive in and burn?
Is it better to be left cold when the fire burns out or with 3rd degree burns?

How do you break a bad boy addiction?

I received an e-mail today that has me thinking. I have been asked for advice by a stranger...

Dear Nico,
I've read your blogs about your relationship with LA and I am in a similar situation. I've known this boy since childhood, we've flirted back and forth forever and I'm hooked. I meet great guys, guys that treat me like a queen yet I can't get this boy out of my head. We've never officially dated, but whenever he calls I run no matter what. I know he's no good for me. My friends hate him, I hate who i am when I'm with him, but it's like I'm addicted.
How do I break the bad boy habit?
Sincerely,
Addicted

I'm not sure where to start. First off, my situation with LA is toxic. He was a bad habit that was extremely hard to break. I hate to admit it, but he still gets in my head and under my skin at times. It's hard for him not to, he knows me far too well. There's much to that story that I'll eventually tell I'm sure, but not today. When you're in a bad situation you know it, even if you don't really want to admit it to yourself. Sometimes everything needs to crash for you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.

Secondly I've had my heart broken, shattered, and torn to shreds several times, because of this I have an odd view of relationships. I try to protect my heart (or what's left of it) as much as possible. I build walls. I take things for what they are making no promises. At times I push people away. Because of this I don't feel I am in any position to give advice to anyone on relationships. The best I can do is hopefully help by telling you what I've learned. Please keep in mind my views on the subject are far from healthy.
Sometimes the little bit of happiness is worth the pain that follows, but you need to gauge this early and go into the situation with a plan b for when it shatters.
A friend of mine likes to say, "The best way to get over a man is under anther man." For some I'm sure this works, but I know this only leads to trouble for me.
In my case I have a friend on call with a big bottle of liquor and a shoulder to cry on.
Just because he's a good guy doesn't mean he's a good guy for you, and just because he's a bad guy doesn't mean he's bad for you. You need to do what makes you happy.
Try not to expect more then what a person can give.

With that, good luck Addicted.

Want my spin on your situation? Want me to ramble on about my twisted views? Send an e-mail, ask a question. nicokitten@gmail.com

Playing Scientist

As I had said in The Chemistry Of Attraction

"According to LA, we are "built" for each other, so no mater what the situation we will always have this attraction to each other. And, because our attraction is so intense, someone else may catch our attention, but.... "They don't smell as good...""

Too bad LA was wrong, or at least wrong where he was concerned.

Unfortunately for me, I know what I want... I just don't know how to get it. Yes, I know.. I sound like a stupid girl, hell I feel like a stupid girl! In most instances I can tell when a guy is into me, but I seem to be stumped with this one. He's not like most guys, and I like that.

I've asked my friends, since that's what a girl does when she is stumped, and the best advice I was given was, "Don't fuck it up."

So here I go, trying to get what I want and hopefully not fucking it up...

Textually Active

Here are a few of the messages from my in box.
Are you brave enough to send me your messages? E-mail your messages including only the area code.


(908) happy new yr- hmm mayb regrets on not comin out w u ;) whatr u wearin again?! muah
(570) Wanna just see me interesting place? Hah
(732) Sexy and u keep it up and your going to get it
(323) That would be so much better with nothing on you!
(908) U in the tub yet?
(908) Granted I have only seen what u do... but I'm sure its better in real life
(715) where did u sllep
(323) U should always do what i say
(732) NO!!!! Fist pumpers?!?!?! Shit!
(732) So I think you should maybe cancel on the second set of plans...maybe tell him that you're beat and have your period or something lol.
(323) Cum here b4 work I just want u here Cum here plz. Miss u (mind you this was received @ 3:45AM)
(732) Just try not to regret in the morning
(219) Kool well have fun,get naked and shit,looooool
(732) DANGER: being in contact with Nico may cause intoxication or even jail time. use with caution.
(908) I just woke up and I don't have any recolection of how I made it to bed.....
(908) Nico, u should drink his drink out of principle at this point

Sex Boutique Coco de Mer Makes Trying on Lingerie an Exhibition

Coco de Mer makes shopping even more fun!
"Behind that little picture frame in Coco de Mer's changing room is a secret peek-a-boo camera that can spy on you while you undress. By pressing that magic button of consentuality [sic], you can send your lover a naughty photo while he/she is performing mundane duties."

Hmmm... so I can send a preview of me trying on some Lingerie to the boy.... and have it displayed on their website....
isn't that what camera phones are for? :)
Who's up for a shopping trip? ;)

Carrying Three Condoms In D.C. Makes You A Prostitute

Carrying three or more condoms in Washington, D.C. isn’t a sign that you’re a responsible adult who has a big night ahead of you, instead it could mean you’re a prostitute. Police in D.C. are setting up “Prostitution Free Zones,” in which officers can arrest anyone they suspect of being a sex worker. And the police have been accused of using the number of condoms a person has in their possession as an indication of their intent to sell sex.

Story URL

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-carrying-three-condoms-in-d.c.-makes-you-a-prostitute/

How to Profit From Drunk Texting

I seems to have a neon sign displayed over my head soliciting photo's from random guys, there's no other explanation....

At the moment there are 20 photo's on my phone from a few different guys, none of which showing a face ;)

How do I do it?

Step 1 - Send drunk text messages
Step 2 - (ummm I don't remember step 2, I was drunk)
Step 3 - Receive strait up Cock shots via MMS

Results may vary, you may receive photo's that cause temporary blindness, side effects may include speechlessness, unexplained desire, giggling, and forwarding your friends photos that would be considered porn.