I received an e-mail today that has me thinking. I have been asked for advice by a stranger...Dear Nico,
I've read your blogs about your relationship with LA and I am in a similar situation. I've known this boy since childhood, we've flirted back and forth forever and I'm hooked. I meet great guys, guys that treat me like a queen yet I can't get this boy out of my head. We've never officially dated, but whenever he calls I run no matter what. I know he's no good for me. My friends hate him, I hate who i am when I'm with him, but it's like I'm addicted.
How do I break the bad boy habit?
Sincerely,
Addicted
I'm
not sure where to start. First off, my situation with LA is toxic. He was a bad habit that was extremely hard to break. I hate to admit it, but he still gets in my head and under my skin at times. It's hard for him not to, he knows me far too well. There's much to that story that I'll eventually tell I'm sure, but not today. When you're in a bad situation you know it, even if you don't really want to admit it to yourself. Sometimes everything needs to crash for you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.Secondly I've had my heart broken, shattered, and torn to shreds several times, because of this I have an odd view of relationships. I try to protect my heart (or what's left of it) as much as possible. I build walls. I take things for what they are making no promises. At times I push people away. Because of this I don't feel I am in any position to give advice to anyone on relationships. The best I can do is hopefully help by telling you what I've learned. Please keep in mind my views on the subject are far from healthy.
Sometimes the little bit of happiness is worth the pain that follows, but you need to gauge this early and go into the situation with a plan b for when it shatters.
A friend of mine likes to say, "The best way to get over a man is under anther man." For some I'm sure this works, but I know this only leads to trouble for me.
In my case I have a friend on call with a big bottle of liquor and a shoulder to cry on.
Just because he's a good guy doesn't mean he's a good guy for you, and just because he's a bad guy doesn't mean he's bad for you. You need to do what makes you happy.
Try not to expect more then what a person can give.
With that, good luck Addicted.
Want my spin on your situation? Want me to ramble on about my twisted views? Send an e-mail, ask a question. nicokitten@gmail.com
We all have our bad habits. These usually lead to trouble and heartache. Usually, we go with what is comfortable and easy, but this can feel uneventful or routine and we hope that we don't "fall asleep" in the relationship out of boredom. Occasionally, we go with the most emotionally unavailable thing we can get our hands on, if only to prove some self-fulfilling doomsday prophecy of relationship fail. The bad boy/bad girl is attractive to many of us because there is a sense of adventure, a air of mystery or a desire to "fix" them. Also, there is some sort of hope that maybe you'll be the one that will have the key to the golden door in their heart and, once turned, all of the walls will come down and you'll reveal the truly wonderful person inside. I hate to shatter egos and break hearts, but you've watched too many old movies and read one too many romance novels. 95% of the time, what you see is what you get, even if you won't let your eyes see what you need to see. If your friends hate them, there is a reason for it and may be a more accurate gauge of the actual worth of the person. The first step is always admitting that they are bad for you. Beyond that, I have very little advice for anyone, because everyone's situation is different. If there is one sure thing I can say, it's that having a great core of friends to catch you when it all explodes into a flaming pile of rubble and emotional debris is important. And it will. All of the greatest empires in history fall, burn and fade into oblivion....
ReplyDelete~Naxos