Bound

It's no secret that I have major trust issues, I openly admit that I'm fucked up. There are 2 people in my life whom I trust absolutely and completely. My best friend and LA. (like I said, I'm fucked up.) I have my reasons, and to me they make sense.

Yes, I tried to be unlike myself and actually trust someone, and yes my trust was betrayed. Sadly, I saw it coming. LA warned me, begged me not to, even threw around that word I so despise trying to stop me... Now he's words are like daggers. Last night I was told I sounded, "broken" and it upset him because he thought he was the only one that could do that to me. It upset him that someone else was able to upset me... I really need to stop talking to LA.

So anyway, here's where my head has been. The boy whom betrayed my trust is persistently asking to be given another chance, "Look I can't promise that I wont hurt you again but I can promise that I'll do everything I can to not hurt you again and I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." LA is saying I'm just a novelty and this was bound to happen. B is telling me to not think like me for once and to stop listening to LA. The BFF is standing by whatever decision I decide to make.

Last night I decided to stay in to think, posted the status, " In for the night... need to clear my head." and a friend didn't by my "I'm OK." response. He called bullshit, I told him a bit, I was vague, he had some enlightening things to say:
(I am not posting word for word, but what hit home.)

• just because you survived doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. You are someone that doesn't deserve it.
  
• You can have any guy that you want. Take solace in that fact and stop testing it. You have a charm about you. You can work it to your advantage. Your social ability. Those huge eyes of yours, your easygoingness, your lack of judgement. You could get anyone you wanted. just analyse the candidates.
• Don't fret and fuck him. His loss.

What to do, what to do...
Obviously, I like the boy.. or I wouldn't even consider giving him the opportunity to try and make amends.
I'll admit that I'm scared. I'm not a fan of putting myself in a position to be hurt. actually, I tend to avoid it at all cost.

The one thing I'm certain of, no mater what decision I decide to make, it's bound to hurt.